Surf's up! Riding the wave of regret
Dear J & M,
How do I deal with regret?
Love,
Mistake Maker
Mistake Maker
We have a mantra for this. It goes: "If you didn't put any thought into it, you can't regret it later." The idea is that you can blame yourself for being impulsive, but you can't allow yourself to regret what it was you did in the fervor of spontaneity.
This holds up when it comes to a haircut or a tattoo. Even a child born of accident can be loved with the right attitude. However, there are clearly some cases to which it doesn't apply. It is not true about words, for example. What you say to someone is permanent — barring that person forgets what it was you said to them, which is likely or unlikely depending on the zodiac sign.
In all sincerity, no one gets through life without making mistakes, even some major ones. But we tend to agree with the wisdom of "Sweat Loaf" by Butthole Surfers, that "it's better to regret something you have done than to regret something you haven't done. By the way, if you see your mom this weekend, would you be sure and tell her: SATAN! SATAN! SATAN!"
In other words, the only real mistakes are ones of inaction, not action. This mosaic of ones and zeroes we call life is short. Spend time with your family, don’t work more than you have to, and always pursue love. If rejection is the worst thing that could happen, then, as they say in France, fuck it! On your death bed, you're not going to wish you hadn't stepped out of your comfort zone. You're going to wish you had made it big with your advice blog.
If you’ve hurt someone you love and you regret it, apologize. This is not always going to work, but it is your only option. If you've missed a chance at something real out of fear, and now love has passed you by — well, heartache spices up this mortal coil. Immerse yourself in Keats and Morrissey, wake up hungover in the cemetery, and say to yourself, "Now this is living."
— J & M