Notes from the field: What not to do on a first date
In our combined experience, the following behaviors when exhibited on a first date (okay, we threw in some job interview data, too) have yielded a 0% positive text-back rate. We do not recommend you:
Disclaimer: Do expect returns in the form of negative feedback.
- Accuse your date of being a poser.
- Sneeze into your hand before extending it to shake.
- Explain to your interviewer that the situation would've been an example of a time you overcame a difficult problem at work, if only you hadn't been fired because of it.
- Compulsively make sexually explicit jokes to the point where neither you nor your date know if you can stop.
- Shout, flail, rant, and/or rave about your passion for love. Your date will think that you're on cocaine, and you'll want to keep that a secret.
- Post Instagram stories after your blind date proclaiming how awful it was. Our findings show there is a 100% chance said date will view said stories.
- Act aggressively clingy "as a joke." This looks indistinguishable from actual clinginess.
- Tell your date about your knack for infidelity. Major character flaws should be hidden until the stroke of midnight under a waxing gibbous moon, or until the third date.
- Get annihilated by accident. (Well, it's never "on purpose." 😉)
- Talk about blood. Just because everyone has it doesn't make it romantically appetizing.
Bonus: Have sex in the bathroom of The Lowry.