Fake it 'til you make it me sick: How to deal with fake friends
Dear J & M,
Regards,
Friends With No Benefits
♥ ♥ ♥
No Benefits,
There's only one way to handle fake or flaky friends: Expose their subterfuge loudly for all to hear at the next birthday brunch.
Just kidding. If you'd rather not be so bold, there are a few other ways to approach this. The first is to confront what could be the root of the issue.
Once upon a time, we wrote that the only advice one ever needs is to relinquish expectations. This is especially true when it comes to casual relationships. The result of relinquishing your expectations is that you never have to be disappointed by a person again. It's easy!
Your dilemma, N.B., is a perfect example of where this advice applies.
Ask yourself: Why exactly do I think my friends are fake and flaky? Do I hold them to unattainable standards of loyalty and devotion? Do I expect too much of their time and attention? Do I get mad when they hang out with other people? Or is it because of that time they slithered between me and my boyfriend under the cloak of an MDMA bender, won his favor, and then turned him against me?
If you answered "yes" to the first three questions, chances are you might be holding your friends to unfair standards. Rethink expectations.
On the other hand, if the latter scenario speaks to you, maybe it's time to roll up the partition on these so-called "friends." If they're as flake and faky as you think they are, stay cordial, but keep them at an arm's length — meaning don't do anything cute like offer to host the next pregame or whatever. Your time, energy, and trust are better directed elsewhere. (Remember what Smokey Bear always used to say: Only you can prevent proverbial back-stabbings.)
Finally, if your friends are merely showing up late or canceling last-minute with annoying frequency — well, sometimes you gotta cut a bitch some slack. Let them know that you feel your time isn't being valued. Ask them to do better. But ultimately, try not to let it bother you too much.
It's nothing personal, it's just drag.
— J & M