How to relegate a perfectly good suitor to the friend zone because you always wanted to die a lonely old crone
Dear J & M,
I’ve been dating a really cool guy but I’ve realized I’m not romantically interested in him. What’s the best way to tell him that without destroying any chance of a friendship developing?
Regards,
Just Friends
Friends,
You're in luck. It just so happens that one half of The Rag is the uncrowned queen of friend-zoning. There is a slew of vague yet unambiguous excuses you can draw from to tell somebody that you simply don't want to date: "Sorry, I'm at a weird place in my life right now," "I need to be single to find myself," "My dog died," or the multipurpose, "I'm moving to New York City to pursue my 13 Going on 30 style fashion journalism career."
The other half of The Rag is the uncrowned queen of getting friend-zoned, and recommends a slightly different approach: straightforward, honest rejection. E.g. something along the lines of, "I'm just not romantically interested. But I think we have a great time together and I'd like to stay friends, if you're about it."
To be sure, no matter how gently you phrase it, this is not exactly an easy conversation to have — unless the feeling happens to be mutual. But given that the two of you have already been dating for a while, it sounds like this is not the case. Brace yourself for the possibility that friend-zoning might not go over well, especially if said "cool guy" is really into you.
In such an event, the likelihood of an amicable friendship forming is slim — at least so long as the wound stings.
Of course, it all depends on personality. Maybe this dude is chill, like you suggest, and will have no problem putting his emotions aside and transitioning to the purely platonic. Maybe he's a fun, social type and appreciates any opportunity to add to his collection of friends. If this is the case — great. A win for civility!
But before you do anything, ask yourself this: "Do I really want to be friends with this guy? Or do I just want out, and feel guilty about it?" The answer to this question might dictate how you choose to go forward.
— J & M
I’ve been dating a really cool guy but I’ve realized I’m not romantically interested in him. What’s the best way to tell him that without destroying any chance of a friendship developing?
Regards,
Just Friends
♥ ♥ ♥
Friends,
You're in luck. It just so happens that one half of The Rag is the uncrowned queen of friend-zoning. There is a slew of vague yet unambiguous excuses you can draw from to tell somebody that you simply don't want to date: "Sorry, I'm at a weird place in my life right now," "I need to be single to find myself," "My dog died," or the multipurpose, "I'm moving to New York City to pursue my 13 Going on 30 style fashion journalism career."
The other half of The Rag is the uncrowned queen of getting friend-zoned, and recommends a slightly different approach: straightforward, honest rejection. E.g. something along the lines of, "I'm just not romantically interested. But I think we have a great time together and I'd like to stay friends, if you're about it."
To be sure, no matter how gently you phrase it, this is not exactly an easy conversation to have — unless the feeling happens to be mutual. But given that the two of you have already been dating for a while, it sounds like this is not the case. Brace yourself for the possibility that friend-zoning might not go over well, especially if said "cool guy" is really into you.
In such an event, the likelihood of an amicable friendship forming is slim — at least so long as the wound stings.
Of course, it all depends on personality. Maybe this dude is chill, like you suggest, and will have no problem putting his emotions aside and transitioning to the purely platonic. Maybe he's a fun, social type and appreciates any opportunity to add to his collection of friends. If this is the case — great. A win for civility!
But before you do anything, ask yourself this: "Do I really want to be friends with this guy? Or do I just want out, and feel guilty about it?" The answer to this question might dictate how you choose to go forward.
— J & M